Merry Christmas, Sara
by Fayre Aiden
Summary: It's that time of year... Will Grissom finally be able to say what needs to be said? MAJOR GSR!
1. Christmas in Las Vegas

**Merry Christmas, Sara**

**Disclaimer:** I'm just a fan, so unfortunately I don't own CSI or anything associated with it other than the DVDs, novels, graphic novels, etc. Don't sue me.

**Summary:** It's that time of year… Will Grissom finally be able to say what needs to be said? MAJOR GSR!

**Spoilers:** Some here and there, but we've seen them all already, so it's not really spoiling, is it?

**A/N:** Yes I know, the chapters are very short, but I wanted to separate each clue and show the significance of each location, for each has a story and must be given the respect it deserves.

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**Chapter 1: Christmas in Las Vegas**

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There were no snowmen. There were no snowball fights. There was no snow. There weren't fir trees with lights anywhere to be seen. There was no cider or cookies being passed around. But despite the absence of these holiday traditions, the feeling was palpable. It was Christmas time in Las Vegas.

Sara hated this time of year. Whenever she went shopping, everything seemed to be twice as expensive as it usually was. Normal music wasn't allowed to be played on the radio for at least a month in advance, and a week afterward. Everyone talked about their families and their plans for the holiday, and it took all of her energy not to squash their spirit. Everywhere she looked were reminders of what she was missing out on. But of course, she preferred not to look at it that way. Once again, she had signed up to work that night, giving her time off to someone who had family to spend it with. After all, crime in Las Vegas stopped for nothing and no one.

When Christmas Eve finally rolled around, she was relieved; it was almost over. Soon, she wouldn't have to pretend that she didn't mind eating take out Chinese and sitting alone at a crime scene in the dark instead of being at home celebrating the special day. She walked into the break room to the sound of an all too familiar conversation.

"It's home to Montana for me," Catherine was saying. "Lindsey is excited to see her Grandma's family."

"Hey, Sara," Nick called. "What are you doing for Christmas? Goin' anywhere special this year?"

She shook her head and said in a monotone voice, "Nope, staying here."

"Well, then you must have someone coming in…" Greg interjected.

"Nope," she said again. "I'm working tomorrow."

"Again? Don't you ever celebrate the holidays?" Warrick asked.

"Hey, someone's gotta do it. Besides, whoever said I don't celebrate? I've got a tree up and everything," she lied.

"All right, everyone," Grissom started, walking into the room with assignments in hand. "Let's get this show on the road. The sooner our work is done tonight, the sooner we're all off for Christmas." Looking to Sara as he sat, he tried not to react to her scowl as he handed out the night's assignments.

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When the night was over, Sara couldn't help but curse whoever came up with the idea of Christmas. Her case had been nothing but a misunderstanding about who had taken some Christmas lights off the shelf at a local convenience store. Apparently an employee had thought that once the store was closed for the night, all Christmas items were fair game. It made Sara wonder what could possibly go through people's minds to make them think that such things were okay.

She drove home, tired enough for once in her life to actually go straight to bed. Destiny, it seemed, had another plan. As soon as she walked through the door, the phone rang.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Sara, it's Grissom. I'm sorry to have to call you at home, but I forgot to tell you something about tomorrow."

"Shoot."

"Well…" he hesitated. "I'm not going to be there."

"What?" she asked incredulously. "That's bullshit! Who's going to give me my assignment? What's going on?"

"Calm down, Sara. I'll give you your assignment."

"But you just said that-"

"I know. Just listen," he said calmly. "I have someone coming in for the holiday tomorrow and I everything has to be perfect for when she arrives, so I'm staying late today and not coming in tomorrow…"

She felt her heart break as she heard those words, but she held herself together as he finished.

"… But your assignment will be on my desk. The door will be unlocked."

"Umm… Thanks," she managed. "Yeah, I'm taking a double shift, so I'll be there at 3 instead of 11."

"Perfect. That'll give you a head start. Listen, I've got to go, but good luck on the case."

"Goodbye, Grissom." With that she hung up, leaving not only a broken heart but also a broken spirit.

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	2. The Beginning

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**Chapter 2: The Beginning**

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The next day Sara came into the lab a shell of her normal self. Grissom's words wouldn't leave her mind: "Everything must be perfect for when she arrives." He had someone coming… No, not just someone, _a woman_ whom he obviously cared for very much. Realizing that there was no room in his heart left for her, she wondered how she could live out the rest of her time here in Vegas.

She was shaken from her thoughts when Judy called her name at the front desk.

"Ms. Sidle, someone left a present for you."

'_A present?'_ she thought. _'Who would leave a present for me?'_

Judy pointed to the other side of the counter, and when Sara saw what awaited her, she was awestruck. Sitting on the countertop was a beautiful crystal vase in which sat a single red rose and a stalk of baby's breath. Walking over to it, Sara admired the intricate details of the carved glass, and took in the scent of the flower. Smiling to herself, she couldn't help but wonder who would send her something so breathtakingly beautiful.

It was then that she noticed the envelope sitting next to the vase. With only her name scrawled on the front, she opened it and read its contents. It read:

_I know roses are your favorite… Enjoy._

_Merry Christmas, Sara._

_Signed, your Not-So-Secret Admirer_

Intrigued and excited by the gift, Sara took the vase and the envelope, thanked Judy, and headed towards Grissom's office to start her long night ahead.

When she entered his office and come to the desk, she didn't find a regular assignment sheet as she'd expected. Instead she found yet another envelope with her name written across the front. Opening it, she found a letter, handwritten on a piece of stationary. Sitting in the desk chair, she read:

_Dear Sara,_

_Merry Christmas!_

_I'm sorry I'm not here to spend it with you, but as I said on the phone, I have someone very special coming in this evening, and I want everything to be perfect for her arrival. Thank you for helping to make that possible._

'_You're welcome,_' she thought bitterly. Shaking her head and gathering her strength, she continued to read.

_As for your assignment, I'm afraid I have to send you on a bit of a wild goose chase. We've got a 408. A young woman is missing, and unfortunately, no one seems to know very much about her. Before I go any further, I know that this is strange, but it's Christmas Day, and on such a day nothing is more important than family. On that note, your scene is in front of the Hotel Monaco, where she was first spotted. The people there will be able to help you more._

_Good luck, and Merry Christmas!_

_Grissom_

Looking up, Sara shook her head in confusion. "First spotted"? Shouldn't he have said, "last spotted"? And how could no one know anything about a missing person?

"Oh, well," she sighed. "Let's get this over with."

Going out to her car, she was pleasantly surprised to see another rose set on the front windshield of her car. Smiling, she set it in the vase with the other and climbed in, ready to take on anything.

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	3. The Hotel Monaco

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**Chapter 3: The Hotel Monaco**

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It was nearly four o'clock already when Sara arrived in front of the Hotel Monaco. Getting out of her black Chevy SUV, she was surprised to see that there was none of the usual commotion outside of the hotel, only a single detective standing at the door.

Vartann smiled, and as she approached, he held out a single red rose. "Merry Christmas, Sidle."

Surprised, she didn't know quite what to say but took the rose with a smile and lifted it to her nose as he filled her in.

"Okay, here's what we know so far," he said, reading from his notebook. "This woman has been missing for quite a while, but apparently no one realized it until recently. Her name is Sara and she's tall with brown hair, but unfortunately no one knows much more about her."

Her head popped up. "Her name is Sara?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. Weird, isn't it?"

'_A little too weird,_' she thought.

"Anyways, the most we really got is that she was first spotted in Vegas right here in front of the Hotel Monaco talking to an old friend. Safe to say they didn't work here, but apparently it was a happy reunion."

"Who reported her missing?" Sara asked.

"The guy wanted to stay anonymous."

"Any family to contact?"

"Nope," he shrugged. "None to speak of… or at least none that_ she_ wanted to speak of. Guy said she never really talked much about her family."

"Address?"

Again, he shrugged. "Sorry."

Stumped, Sara closed herself off momentarily. Looking around, she couldn't help but remember her own first time in Vegas. She had come per Grissom's request, and had found him right at this very spot tossing dummies off the roof. What was it that he had said that day? Thinking back, she smiled as it came to her.

"_I'm a scientist, I like to see it. Newton dropped the apple, I drop dummies."_

Sara smiled to herself.

'_Well,_' she thought, '_This Sara girl didn't drop dummies, but maybe she dropped a clue._'

"All right, Vartann. Any idea where to go next?"

"No clue. This guy didn't really have much information about her, but he _did_ talk a lot about things they'd done before. I think there was mention of a skating rink in there somewhere."

She perked up. "A roller skating rink or an ice skating rink?"

"An ice rink. Probably the one across town."

"All right, let's go."

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	4. The Hockey Rink

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**Chapter 4: The Hockey Rink**

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Pulling into the rink's parking lot a few minutes before Vartann, Sara grabbed her kit and headed inside. Reaching the front desk, she tried to get the attention of the young man behind the counter.

"Excuse me, I'm Sara Sidle with the Las Vegas Crime Lab, and I need to ask you a few questions."

"Sure," he said, a polite smile gracing his features.

"How long have you worked here?"

He shrugged. "A few years. At least five."

"A woman by the name of Sara has been reported missing. Do you remember anybody who might have been a regular here going by that name?"

He shook his head. "No. Really the only regulars are the hockey teams and coaches, and around this time of year, it's hard to remember all the faces that come through, let alone the names."

She smiled. "Thanks. Mind ifI look around?"

"Nope, go ahead. We're getting ready to close anyways."

Kit in hand, she began to head toward the rink when she was stopped by a little girl. The girl smiled up at her with sparkling eyes and held out her hand.

"Merry Christmas."

Sara looked down to see a single red rose in the girl's hand. A little startled, she squatted to the girl's height and accepted the gift with a smile.

"Thank you," she said.

The girl giggled and nearly knocked her over with a quick hug before skittering away.

"What was _that_ all about?" came a voice from behind her. She rose to see Vartann standing there with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not sure," she answered, holding up the rose as if it offered the key to the day's strange events. "Let's go check out the rink."

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Standing at the entrance to the top seats, Sara looked around at the huge expanse of work ahead of her. Sighing, she decided to dive right in with a search of the stands.

An hour later, after searching the entire rink, stands and ice, she sunk into a seat in the stands to think. Vartann had found a comfortable position by the door and had remained there, waiting for her to complete her search, but she'd found nothing; no leads, no clues, not even so much as a thread of fabric.

As she sat, her mind drifted back to the case that she and Grissom had investigated here four years ago when a young player had been killed during a hockey game. It was her first case after requesting her leave of absence and receiving his apology by way of a plant. They'd sat in this very spot, overlooking the game stats, when they'd had one of their stranger conversations. Sitting back, she thought back on their words.

_"Two minutes for elbowing. Four minutes for high sticking. Ten minutes, unsportsmanlike conduct."_

_"Boys will be boys."_

_"Yeah, sounds like these boys went to a fight and a hockey game broke out."_

_"You just don't like sports."_

_"That's not true-- I've been a baseball fan my whole life."_

_"Baseball. Well, that figures… All those stats."_

_"It's a beautiful game."_

_"Since when are you interested in beauty?"_

_"Since I met you."_

His words had startled her into silence, and confused her to this day. At the time, she wasn't sure that he had meant it sincerely, but now she wasn't so sure. Could he really have had feelings for her that long ago?

"What's goin' on?"

Vartann's voice startled her from her thoughts.

"Nothing," she said, shaking the memories away. "Just thinking… I've got nothing. I went around the entire rink, and I've got nothing."

"Well, what's that?" He pointed to a crumpled piece of paper by her feet.

Her brows furrowed. Was that there when she sat down?

"I don't know," she answered honestly. Picking it up with a gloved hand, she unwrinkled the paper to read its contents. " 'Butterfly Gardens, East Las Vegas'… That's all I can read. The rest is all faded."

"Hey, you know, that guy _did _mention something about butterflies. Something about how they kind of freaked her out, but he loves 'em."

"Okay, well, looks like we got a lead," she said, getting up from her seat. "Let's go."

Vartann followed her out of the rink, an amused smile crossing his face.

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	5. The Butterfly Gardens

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**Chapter 5: The Butterfly Gardens**

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The sun was setting just as they pulled up to the Butterfly Gardens, casting an orange and pink glow over the hothouse flowers giving their last blooms of the year. A shiver ran down her spine as she fought to forget everything connected with the beautiful insects. Instead, she switched her focus to Vartann as he talked to the owner.

"Sir, my name is Detective Vartann and this is Sara Sidle with the Crime Lab."

"Well, Merry Christmas to you both on this fine day," he said, handing Sara a single red rose.

Looking to Vartann, she raised an eyebrow as he shrugged and began questioning.

"How long have you owned the place?" he asked.

"Goin' on ten years… Great memories here."

"Oh, well, since you seem to remember so well, do you remember a tall young woman with brown hair hanging around here? Answers to the name of Sara?"

The man sighed. "Honestly, I'm not all that great with names, and we don't get too many regulars. Well, except for Mr. Grissom. He comes round quite a bit, looking at his specimen."

Sara chuckled. "Why doesn't that surprise me? … Mind if I take a look around?"

"Nope," he shook his head. "Go ahead."

Taking the rose to join the others in the front seat of her Chevy SUV, she pondered the strange events of the day. She now had five roses, one from each scene, and two from the lab. Looking at the glow emanating from the deep red petals, she wondered: Could they all be from the same person, this not-so-secret admirer? Who was this mysterious person? It couldn't be…

'No.' She shrugged the thought away almost as quickly as it came to her. There's no way that Grissom would do all this… Or would he?

Shaking her head and clearing her mind, she closed the door and headed to the hothouse. Opening the door, she immediately felt the change in temperature. Taking off her jacket, she set her kit beside her and put on a pair of gloves. Looking around with her flashlight, she didn't find much in between the bushes, climbing vines, and butterflies except dirt and sprinkler heads.

After a half an hour and three hothouses' worth of searching, her mind began to drift again, this time settling on a case about two years ago. Many of the details had been hidden from Sara, as the victim had looked eerily similar to her, but the interrogation had been burned into her memory. She fought to keep her emotions in check as she remembered the words he had spoken:

'_Sad, isn't it, doc? Guys like us… Couple of middle-aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves… We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then, all of a sudden ... we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody ... we could care about. She offers us a new life with her... but we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. I couldn't do it... but you did.'_

A lump rose in her throat. It had been a crushing blow to finally realize that he truly did care about her but was too afraid to risk letting her know, and the knowledge still ate at her heart almost two years later.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her, and she turned to see Detective Vartann walking toward her.

"How goes it?" he asked.

"Not well," she answered, wiping at her brow. "There's nothing here."

"That's what you said at the rink, too. Are you sure you didn't miss anything?"

She sent him an angry stare. "I'm positive. I searched every inch of this hothouse and two others, and come up with nothing."

"Have you gone to the last one yet?"

Her shoulders fell. "No…"

"Well, let's go over there," he said confidently, holding open the door for her as she brushed by him and toward the last hothouse.

Once inside, she set down her kit and shone the flashlight around the room. As she scanned through the bushes and fallen petals, something caught her eye. With a gloved hand, she reached down to get a closer look.

"It's a parking decal… for my apartment complex. How'd this get here?"

He shrugged as she looked back to her Chevy to make sure her own was still in place.

"Maybe she lives in your complex," Vartann suggested. "Let's head over there. It's the only lead we've got."

Nodding absently, she thought for a moment before turning to him, "You don't think…"

"Think what?" he asked, starting back toward the door.

She hesitated. "You don't think that maybe… Grissom set us up to this?"

He stopped and stared for a moment, and then started to laugh. "_Grissom? _You're joking right? Come on, Sara… First of all, it's _Grissom_ you're talking about! How would he be able to fix all this up without help? And second of all, the call was referred to me. I heard this guy ramble on about how much he loved this girl, even though he didn't know near enough about her to give me any useful information about her. This is for real."

Sighing, she nodded and, grabbing her jacket and kit, headed to the car, thanking the owner on the way out.

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	6. Sara's Apartment

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**Chapter 6: Sara's Apartment**

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It was an odd feeling to pull into her own apartment complex on a case. Vartann pulled into the space next to her as she parked, and asked her to lead the way to the superintendent's office. Knocking on the door, they brought him out into the hallway to talk.

"Merry Christmas, Sir. My name is Detective Vartann, and this is-"

"Ms. Sidle! Yes, I know who this is. Merry Christmas, Ms. Sidle." Handing her a single red rose, he asked, "Working again this year?"

She was stunned by the gift, but his question shook her out of her silence. Vartann smiled to himself as she stumbled over the words.

"Umm- Yes, y-yes I am." Clearing her throat, she looked up resolutely and started again. "Actually, we're looking for someone."

"You don't say…"

"Yes. I know this is going to sound strange, but are there any Sara's living here with brown hair? … I mean, other than me?"

"Well, not that I can think of, but we just had a couple of new apartments leased out not too long ago, and I haven't gotten to know the tenants quite yet. Might be one of them."

Suddenly, Vartann looked to his hip. "Hey, I'll be right back, Sara. Just got an important page."

"Alright." Turning back to the super, she continued her questions. "Well, have you noticed anything odd around here lately?"

"Not really… Oh, wait, you know what? I found something this afternoon up near your apartment. Hold on, and I'll grab it for you."

"Wait… _My_ apartment?" She furrowed her brows in pure confusion as he disappeared momentarily. When he came back out, she was amazed at what she saw. He held a long-necked beer bottle, and sitting gracefully at the bottom of the clear glass was a beautiful blue swallowtail butterfly.

"Mean anything to you?" the super asked, but she didn't hear him. She was focused on the bottle and the clear implications of it's meaning. Taking the bottle from him, Sara let her mind drift back to that haunting day in her apartment when one of her deepest, darkest secrets had been revealed. He'd come to ask what was wrong; what he got was more than he'd bargained for. But he'd stayed and proved to be the friend that she needed and so much more…

"Hey, Sidle," Vartann called, pulling her from her memories. "I gotta run. We've got issues down on the Strip, but I got word about our mystery caller. We traced his call and got an address. I wrote it down for you." With that, he started to run back to his car.

"Vartann, I can't go this alone! I need an officer with me!"

"Trust me, you got this one. Merry Christmas!"

Looking down at the paper he'd handed her, she read the address and immediately stared back at him.

"Wait, this can't be right; this address belongs to… _Vartann!" _

But he simply smiled as he climbed in his car. "Good luck, Sara."

She looked down at the address again, and suddenly it all came together. Her suspicions weren't unfounded after all… When the super asked her what was wrong, all she could do was whisper his name:

"Grissom."

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	7. No Longer Missing

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**Chapter 7: No Longer Missing**

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She was shaking as she pulled up to the townhouse that she had only ever seen once. As she approached the door, following the candles along the sidewalk, the butterflies in her stomach grew worse. When he didn't answer at her knock, she called out to him, thinking that maybe he'd changed his mind… until she tried the door and found it unlocked.

Pushing it open, she started to call his name once again but the sound caught in her throat when she saw what was before her. Straight ahead against the opposite wall was a beautiful Christmas tree at least ten feet tall and fully decorated in red and white, it's light brightening the otherwise darkened room. Other decorations provided small touches of comfort throughout the apartment and brought tears to her eyes.

Walking past the kitchen and into the open living area, she turned to a scene that took her breath away. In the small dining area beyond the bar was a table set for two by candlelight, with a delicious-looking veggie Christmas dinner. Standing next to it was Grissom, dressed in a pair of slacks and her favorite black polo shirt, and holding six red roses tied together with a red ribbon. Her hand rose to cover her mouth as she fought to stop the now free-flowing tears.

"Hello, Sara," he said softly.

It took her a moment to take everything in before she managed in a whisper, "You're the 'Not-So-Secret Admirer, aren't you? You left the roses?"

"I know they're your favorite."

She took a step forward. "You set all this up?"

He nodded. "I had a little help…"

"But, the missing woman… Sara…" she sputtered.

His response was simple: "It was you."

"Me?"

Again, he nodded. "You. Sara Marie Sidle, brown hair, hazel eyes, whom no one knows much about. First spotted in Vegas at the Hotel Monaco having a conversation with an old friend, and later at the hockey rink, learning about beauty. The butterflies taught us about what we would do for love through the Debbie Marlin case, and that day in your apartment changed us both… I'd like to think for the better."

"But I'm not missing," she reasoned.

"You've been missing from my life for fifty years."

Again, the wetness trailed down her face in a seemingly endless stream. Setting the roses on the table, he pulled her into his arms and held her close, trying to provide some kind of comfort. Her words were muffled as she clung to him, sobbing into his chest:

"But, why here? Why today?"

"Because no one should be alone on Christmas," he whispered.

His words reminded her of the letter she'd found on his desk, detailing her "assignment". Remembering the words on the page, she stepped back.

"What about the letter?"

"What about it?"

"You said in the letter that on such a day as this, family is the most important thing… I thought you meant for the victim, but now… You're the _only_ one who knows about my family, Grissom. What did you mean, 'nothing is more important than family'? You know that I don't have any."

"_I _want to be your family, Sara."

Startled by his words, she watched with mixed emotions as he pulled out a small box out of his pocket and lowered himself onto one knee.

"Sara Marie Sidle, it's taken me nearly ten years to realize how much I love you, and I'm so sorry that you've had to wait and suffer through all the pain along the way… But will you honor me and make me the happiest man on this earth by taking me as your husband?"

All she could do was fall into his arms. He caught her as she hit her knees in front of him and flung her arms around his neck. Through the weeping he heard the faintest whisper, but it rang out loud and clear, striking a chord within him as he heard her answer:

"Of course, I will."

Through her tears, she managed to pull back and smile at him, the gap-toothed "Sara smile" that hadn't been seen for much too long.

Sliding the platinum band onto her finger, he turned to grab the roses off the table and presented them to her with a smile and a tear in his eye, saying,

"Merry Christmas, Sara."

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**THE END**

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End file.
